Clowns and Comrades
by brave1
Summary: Synopsis: What if the Joker wasn't the only "occupant" in Bruce's head? (This story will probably only make sense to "Call of Duty" players)


**GOTHAM CITY CLOCKTOWER**

"She works for you?!" Gordan gasped as Barbara's apartment in the clocktower transformed into Oracle's headquarters. "This is all your fault!"

Batman took a step forward. "I will find her-"

Gordon dropped his shoulder and swung a left hook. His fist connected hard against Batman's jaw.  
"She's my family! My daughter! She's all I got!" He made his way to the elevator. "I never should have trusted you."

He reached into his pocket, took out the Bat-phone and threw it to the floor. "I'll do this on my own! Stay away from my family."

Bruce watched as Gordon made his way down.

"I think that went quite well, considering…" the hallucination of the Joker grinned. "Of course I wouldn't have told him, but that's why it's so liberating being me. You got a lot to look forward to, Bats."  
 _  
_ _I need to find what happened to Barbara_ , Batman thought as he approached the computer.

"Fine just ignore me! The harder you fight, the more space I occupy. Are you even listening? I know you are!" Joker laughed.

The corner of Batman's lip twitched slightly.

"A-ha! Come on Brucie, don't be a sphinx and open up to dear old Uncle J. It would do you some good to – wait, what are you doing?"

Batman opened up his steam account.

"What in the world do you think you're doing, Bats?" Joker exclaimed. "Scarecrow is threatening to douse Gotham in fear toxin and you're going to play… _Call of Duty?!"_

"It's how he deals with stress," a voice, a thick Russian accent, answered.

"And who the hell are you?" Joker demanded as he turned to see a heavey-set man in his fifties standing opposite of Batman.

"Victor Reznov, Russian Special forces."

"And what pray tell, is a Russian army soldier in a Vietnam-era uniform doing in…" Joker's voice trailed off. "Hold up, you can actually _see_ me?!

Reznov shrugged. "You see me, we talk, _da_?"

"So what's your story? Did Brucie get a transfusion while in Vladivostok?"

"You saw the program he's running in the background?"

"What? Call of Doody? That silly game nerds always talk about?"

"It is no game, comrade," Reznov said with a glimmer in his eye. "It's his _training_."

Joker blinked. "Come again?"

"The Batman is a master of body and mind," Reznov explained. "his mind is like a computer. He can run this program now, shut it down, run another later, or two at once. It's how he's able to do what he does"

"Oh, I get it now, haha," Joker cackled. "You're like the firewall in Brucie's brain."

"And you are a virus," Reznov answered as he drew his gun.

"Oh, you think you can take me on?" Joker smirked. "Once I take over Bruce's brain, I'm going to be the man under the cowel!"

"That's where you are wrong," Reznov lowered his gun. "You think that if you erase Bruce, you can take over. But the truth is, Bruce isn't the one running the show. He's just another program running in the background like us."

Joker ran a nervous hand through his green hair. "So… who's really in charge?"

"I am," came a shrill, youthful voice.

Joker turned to see a sweet young girl of nine with pigtails.

"Who the devil are you?"

"I'm Mary-Sue! I'm what you get when you subtract Bruce Wayne from Batman."

Joker grimaced. "You expect me to believe that behind all that brooding is just a little schoolgirl?"

"Oh, no, I'm anything but sweet," Mary-Sue smiled wickedly. "Think about it: Why does Batman always have enough prep-time when facing his enemies? I give it to him. How does he stay the same when the rest of the DC Universe undergoes a reboot? **_Cause I'm the one who keeps Batman's shit together!_** Do you know what you're dealing with?!"

"You should listen to her," Reznov suggested.

Joker could have sworn that the sight of this 'girl' was making him nervous.

"You see, Joker, Batman thinks of everything," she pressed. "And boy has he got plans for you!"  
She produced a vial of fear toxin.

"Once you catch a whiff of this piss, Batman's g'onna have a brain-fart so big we'll all be gone forever!"

"Noooo!" Joker screamed. "Bruce! Please! Let me out of here! Let me out!"

A/N: Just some random nonsense that I thought of after I finished the _Arkham Knight_ campaign mode.

Anywhoo, please review, fav, share and read my other fics!  
I just published chapter 8 of my Supergirl/Arrow/Young Justice x-over "Fallen Angel", so go read that while you're here.


End file.
